I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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