he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
