My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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