you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
