Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
