chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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