Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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