I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
