i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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