Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Randomize
