She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
