well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
