Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
