guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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