The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
