I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We have started to decorate penises.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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