I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
