could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
third nipple confirmed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
