what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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