i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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