Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We got so high we made milksteak
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
