If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
