You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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