That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
