The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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