Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
