I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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