mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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