I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
