Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
