dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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