He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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