Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
