I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
