walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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