matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
