I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
