dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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