Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So. Much. Porn.
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