I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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