Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
