I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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