Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
