overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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