I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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