Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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