So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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