I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, beer. Big fan.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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