He felt like a one man threesome
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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