i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
