Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
