wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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