apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
