His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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