I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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