I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize