Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
