I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
