I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
