just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
