Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize