Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I understand Curling. That high.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
