Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
