My balls are so social today.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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