i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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