Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
