Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
