New low: just hacked my moms facebook
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
