I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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